I've been keeping a secret...
I’ve been keeping a secret from you…👀
On this weekend to give thanks, there are so many things I’m thankful for this year…
But most of all, I’m so grateful… and super excited to announce that Dano and I are expecting our rainbow baby in March 2021 - on my birthday actually, March 18th! ❤️
As of yesterday, I’m officially 17 weeks pregnant. YUPPIE! Time is going by so fast already. I can’t believe I’m almost half way!
If you’re new to the term rainbow baby, it’s a name coined for having a healthy baby after losing a baby. From the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time. 🌈
Earlier this year I lost a baby at 9 weeks that was extremely difficult, from all levels - mind, body and spirit. The physical process was long and drawn out as was the emotional grieving. Although I wouldn’t wish a miscarriage on anyone, I know it’s a very common and not talked about enough. And so just know I’m here if you need support.
I wanted to share my story for those who might be suffering in silence to know they’re not alone.
Feel free to skip over this part if you’d like…
I found out at my 8-week first ultrasound that I had what they call a blighted ovum. Ultimately the embryo didn’t develop however cells still started to develop and continued to grow the pregnancy sac, but there was no baby. This is also known as an anembryonic pregnancy.
However, my body still fully believed it was pregnant and continued to grow the gestational sac and didn’t want to release it. I tried a variety of natural remedies first of course to try and tell my body that it needed to release, but to no success. So at 9 weeks I required what they call a medically assisted miscarriage. I had to take a medication called Misoprostol via vaginal suppository to help stimulate contractions. My body didn’t process the medication very well which led to a 2 month long miscarriage.
Towards the end of the 2 months of releasing, I was worried I was going to need a D+C if my body couldn’t fully purge everything, which I really didn’t want to do. At this point we were also in the first weeks into the COVID shutdown and going to the hospital was not on my list of things I wanted to do.
With manual treatments from my Osteopath Janice, Reiki + Huna Healing from Lisa Jardine, and a special thanks to my good friend Magda as well who came and did some energy work on me to help me process the change. Thank you for all your support. And then finally, one day it all just stopped. Like a miracle.
It was painful, emotional, and draining.
I gave my body time for healing, and 3 full cycles to get my hormones (and emotions) back on track. And thankfully on that 4th cycle this little peanut was conceived! 🤰
I was much more protective the second time of my heart and kept it a secret from almost everyone. But after my 8 week ultrasound and I got to see that there was indeed a little person growing inside me, it made everything leading up to that day all worth it!
Check out my 8 week old little peanut!
And now that I’m 17 weeks in, it’s hard to believe all of this happened not that long ago. (Although I think most people feel like that about 2020 in general… 🙄)
This year has been such a learning experience for me. From first learning of my pregnancy, to the loss, and to becoming pregnant again. I’ve learned so much about myself, my relationship, and the love one can feel for someone they have yet to meet.
I get to meet in person with my Midwives next week (was supposed to be this week, but they had a baby to deliver…you know…lol!). So I look forward to my next ultrasound in a few weeks where I’ll get to find out if there is a little boy or girl growing inside me!
Any guesses?? 💙💜
So far my pregnancy has been pretty amazing. No real nausea (just from the pain of some tension headaches), no cravings yet (although I’m looking forward to having an excuse for extra pickles!), and I have a little baby bump starting. I attribute feeling this good to all the work I’ve done on my physical health, emotional, and energetic health over the years. Prepping myself for the day which I would nourish another soul into this world.
Bringing a baby into the world right now I don’t think will be easy. But I think it’s also super important for our future as well that we not give up on ourselves or civilization.
As I usually say that our body has the ability to heal, the energy just needs to be unleashed. I feel the same can be said for our world… It has the ability to heal, we just need to unleash the energy and light to heal it! And I think our next generation will play a key roll in that in the decades to come.
Here’s to all the Starseeds 👶🌟
P.S. Here is the latest ultrasound at 12 weeks! ❤️